辞职小感

今天正式辞职了。兴奋，但是心里也不免打鼓。放弃的是在如此低迷时期人人都渴望的稳定，追求的呢？依稀有个概念，关乎于积累，人脉，经历，理想。其实也不是什么大不了的事，这个年纪人人都在想的事。而我要费这么多周折这么折腾，也是命了。

在就要开始长长的迷惘期之际，给自己一点小提醒：
1.不要轻易被别人一句话而左右，不要轻易怀疑自己。
路是我自己的，没有人比我更清楚。听别人advice的时候不要生搬硬套。
2. 要耐心，要往长远看。
此刻和将来我注定是属于小众的，没有一个浩浩荡荡的军团可以去跟从，那就要耐得住寂寞，就要时刻上好发条去探寻一条路。两三年里不见分晓又如何，这世界上哪有成功轻易得来。
3. 偶尔想休息一下，那就休息一下。
就像刚找到工作那时跟Lin说, I'm so tired of being different. 那这一年半New York City, Corporate America, 无忧无虑好了，就可以又开始启程了。不代表善罢甘休，只是需要有周期性变化。
4. 要勇敢。
生活往往不尽如人意，现实与预期也常常不太一样，但是一切都可以再调整，没有什么好害怕的。

破晓之前

现场听了肖邦第二钢协，没有拉氏的激情和忧伤，却有着一种精致和喜悦，让我同样着迷。毕竟拉氏的三钢里有太多故事，我如此喜欢，却总感觉喜欢得不纯。但是这支曲子给我一种希望，仿佛天地顿开，一切如新，却依然保留完整的自己。

希望生活也能这样子。

Thinking hard on "why I think so hard..."

While contemplating lately on "what's next," I read something that reminds me of how much I've benefited from my liberal arts education.

"...a college education is about more than acquiring negotiable skills and knowledge. It’s also about figuring out who you are and what you bring to the world. It’s about understanding that your existing self-conception may leave a lot of things out or may be radically inaccurate. People succeed best when they set themselves to doing what they love, and finding out what you love and beginning to get good at doing it are at the heart of a college education."

-Mark Edmundson, "Geek Lessons," New York Times Magazine, 9/19/08

这样回过来看真觉得是很对的。大学里看起来什么资源都有什么科目都可以选，其实从纷繁众多中筛选定夺不正是寻找自己的过程吗？
最近的心得是，在那些非常free-spirited的阶段里找到的自己，即使是因为生存或其它种种客观条件限制而暂时遗忘了，并不代表那部分自己就消失了。不要因为“不现实”就把自己的天性给否定了。所谓现实不现实，有时往往只是时机成熟不成熟。而要时机成熟，就要做准备，有积累。
由此也更感激父母，给我充分的自由和支持，让我能够不急功近利地思考这些问题，找到自己, 为达到更长远的目标积淀。

The Sarah Palin fun

除了Tina Fey在SNL上的精彩绝伦，法国人也没闲着。
读到Steven Erlanger写的这篇文章. The French are again fascinated with a women politician, but this time, for a very particular reason...

“This year, mocking the candidates has become an industry, with the satirical puppet show “Les Guignols de l’Info” recently adding a squeaky-voiced Senator John McCain puppet to the jug-eared Obama model. In general, though, Americans are portrayed as Sylvester Stallone, lunky and thick-headed. Ms. Palin has been a kind of godsend."

非常期待明晚的VP debate.

Adirondack Mountains camping trip

周末出去郊游，仿佛又回到学生时代。
牛仔裤，sweatshirt, 素面朝天. 小木屋，枫叶，篝火，一切自然简单。
我戴着牙箍双颊生疼，因而有些垂头丧气。却那么庆幸有身边好友一路同行，各有所长，但是步调一致--无论是斗嘴胡闹还是生火做饭，都感觉大家时刻互相照应互相配合，其间还欢笑不断。
每次遇上真诚热情的人，我都心存感激。

公路上飞驰的车子里，看过一面面镜湖，看过层层变红的青山，时而晴，时而雨，时而起雾。想像着穿越时空，亲历季节的更替。iPod里shuffle不同的歌，想起上一季的人与事，感觉好像发生在上个世纪。既然与自然那么贴近，就让时间的手轻轻翻过那一页，好好收藏起来。

上一次见到枫叶那么兴奋，念着“人烟寒橘柚，秋色老梧桐”还是大一的十月，转眼已经在这个国度第六个秋了。

Pix at http://picasaweb.google.com/ruoyangyin/AdirondackCampingTrip#

Rach 3 Live

Finally got to hear Yefim Bronfman play Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto 3 live. The first time I heard this piece was Bronfman's version from the 2004 Tokyo concert. Was totally blown away by his passion and of course, moved by the melancholy and vigor in the music as well. Remember it was a Friday drizzling night, I couldn't hold my tears when listening to it amid the hustle-bustle in Midtown.

So this time, when it's played by NY Philharmonic and conducted by Lorin Maazel, it felt like one of my biggest dreams coming true. The Philharmonic sounded great under Mr. Maazel, and it blended seamlessly with the piano. Being a layman as I am to classical music, I constantly have the image of a boat drifting in the sea when I listen to piano concertos--strings and horns become ocean waves and no matter how they push the little boat, it still manages to steer ahead, gracefully and brilliantly. At one point, the little boat becomes so bold that it silenced all the waves and winds surrounding it--like when Bronfman played the cadenza in the first movement, the whole concert hall was holding its breath. It sorta reminds me of that movie, Legend of 1900, and maybe that's why I like piano concertos, it's rich-textured and powerful, and yet, it's lucid and incisive.

Back

离开三周，纽约一切无恙。
心里做了一个决定之后，开始感觉超脱，不再为原先的一些烦恼所累。在上海的几周里，让我感到自己此时此刻在成人世界里的局限性。当然，在任何一个地方住上很久之后都会有井底之蛙的感觉。所以很喜欢此刻这样迁移的状态。由此也更喜欢此刻无牵无挂的状态。同时也明白迁移久了可能也会厌倦，于是到时候又会想安顿。大概就是周期性轮回的。

有家可回是件多么美好的事。我没有四海为家的漂泊天性，但是我喜欢至少有两个家。两边都有衣橱，音箱，沙发。或许两边也都会有家人，挚友。这样我就不会孤独，然后能保持一种敏感性，一种活力。这辈子注定是这样，也希望是这样。